Thursday, October 7, 2010

The Gaps in My Gen Y Perspective

Change is hard.  I think it's pretty clear from the other posts on my blog that as much as I like change, I don't because it's challenging.  Change requires you to form new relationships, see new places, do new activities which is all exciting--yet it's still tough.

I struggle with being at home without a job.

I get antsy when I'm not working because I don't want to commit to anything long-term, even the idea of being at home.

I struggle with the idea of being at work.

The thought of changing my unscheduled life is kind of tough too.  I feel like I've grown up in a generation of always trying to get the best of everything because anything to the contrary is a compromise.  So even though I am ecstatic about getting a new job where I'll feel engaged because I'm duly supporting a cause while earning a living, I feel conflicted about letting go of my flexible life.

So why am I afraid of committing my life to a job like every other normal person out there?

This year, I have purposefully made decisions to initiate change in my life.  I started learning a new skill this year by enrolling for horseback riding lessons.  I want to increase my confidence in using humour in everyday situations so I enrolled for a stand-up comedy class.  That's definitely one that's outside the comfort zone.

I suppose I feel like I've been burnt out and used by old employers.  I was a fresh new face--eager to please and willing to do anything to show I was important to the organization.  Now, conflict arises for me because I know I can be important to an organization, but I'm afraid of being used.

But somewhere deep inside I want to throw myself into work.  I want to work hard and do a good job.  I want to be important again, not caught up in employment ambiguity.  I want to find definition through working for a cause.  And a small part of it might be about not wanting to fall into female stereotypes of days gone by.  I want to work, I want to do my part, I want to be independent, and I want to be a strong woman.