Thursday, April 15, 2010

Really Tiny Baby Steps

I'm trying to make some changes in my life these days.  There's a lot of change on the horizon for me with my graduation around the corner, and starting a family is lurking within the next year. 

I've recruited the help of a change specialist because change doesn't come easy, even when you're motivated to do so.  I talked with Deborah on the phone today and we went over my goals from last week, which I was disappointed to report I didn't meet them all.  She reminded me that setting goals isn't supposed to be a reason to beat up on myself when I don't reach my high standards.

We talked about my baby step of packing a gym bag.  You're probably thinking how significant is packing a gym bag?  It doesn't sound like much.  It's a really tiny baby step. 

I want to exercise.  I hear it's fabulous for stress release and these days that's what I need right now as the assignments and exams pile up.  But something has been holding me back and I can't quite put my finger on it.  Actually, I do know what it is... I don't tend to put myself first.  I know everyone says that.  It's become kind of en vogue to be uber modest but it's a very real problem in my life.

Putting myself first... it kind of sounds selfish which is exactly why I need help to change.  Imagine a world where without even thinking about it you take on extra group work because your team member stayed out late partying and decided not to do his share, or when you drive a half hour out of your way to pick something up that was supposed to be delievered to you. 

I accept these responsibilities at the drop of a hat, and why?  To be kind, thoughtful, or nice?  Maybe.  Probably the real answer is because I am a people person (aka: closet people pleaser).  I dismiss promises to myself to go extra lengths to make another person happy.  It makes me happy to do things for others, except for when they don't notice or expect me to be that accomodating all the time.  Talk about classic Gen Y.  The weird thing is, is that I'm still new at taking compliments gracefully so praise can be a challenge.

This week I'm putting myself first.  I've promised myself that I want to enjoy my commitments to go to drop-in yoga twice this week, and take the next really tiny baby step into the gym and exercise for 20 minutes.  Just enough to get the blood flowing.  And hey, it'll definintely be an improvement over just packing my gym bag.

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