Tuesday, June 1, 2010

The Downside To A Dream Job

Mix some insecurity with unfamiliarity, add a dash of tension, a pinch of stubbornness and what do you get? 

My life right now.

It was absolutely thrilling to walk out of school with a fantastic job, in a small company before I even left for the last time.  I was elated after working my first week--all a-twitter with lust, much like one would feel after a fantastic date with a new interest.

But somewhere along the way crept in my old friend--insecurity.  As I interpret expectations and heap on my own pressure to succeed, I've ended up feeling very alone.  I want to have the answers to questions; I want to run with my highly sought after and desired autonomy, but something inside is telling me I am in way over my head.

The task at hand is grand.  I must elevate their brand.  To a marketing grad it sounds completely romantic.  Grads don't get to elevate brands... but I do.  It may sound like I'm bragging but in reality I feel lost.

As I reflected yesterday after work I longed for the easy jobs of my past.  The task oriented jobs where it was easy to identify what to do and how to do it.  You did your work and went home and left your job there at the end of the day.  I need to find a way to turn thinking into doing.

I need to find a way to own this job and not feel like I'm pretending to be someone else.  Although in the meantime, I'll keep looking to share moments with others who can relate.  It's a nice distraction from feeling alone.

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